


The (very) Thin Line Between Love and Hate

by krudelis



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fuuinjutsu Master Uzumaki Naruto, Like slowwwwww burn, M/M, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, Uchiha Itachi Lives, Unreliable Narrator, Uzumaki Naruto Leaves Konoha, all konoha fuckers stay away bc i am all for government overthrowal, all the jinchuuriki team up bc they're tired of the villagers treating them like shit, basically j me rewriting naruto, but like he was always op, itachi realizes that genocide is mucho no good very bad, konoha is bad in this fic, kurama is naruto's sassy bff, no beta we die like men, op naruto, sns is shippuden era later, updating the tags as i go...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26978407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krudelis/pseuds/krudelis
Summary: He can’t stand it here anymore; this corrupt, disgusting village that holds its head high and proud while young children die for it and call it honor. This absolutely vile place based upon lies over lies over lies, as it lies to its children, says “It is an honor to be called shinobi.” says “The hokage is the strongest shinobi in the village. It is because of him that we have peace.” ‘Peace,’ Naruto thinks bitterly, ‘what absolute bullshit that is.’Or: the one where Naruto leaves the village, meets Itachi on the way out, and they become the bestest of friends and set off to fix the shinobi world. (featuring: sassy Kurama, Sasuke and his abnormal amount of bloodlust, Itachi being a sneaky son of a bitch, and sns skirting around their feelings for each other)
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Itachi & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 55
Kudos: 302





	1. the voice in his head calls itself Kurama

**Author's Note:**

> this idea has been in my head for _months_. Finally decided to write it. this stemmed for my need to see more naruto says fuck konoha and leaves along with wanting to see more itachi and naruto friendship fics. yk itachi sees naruto and is like "that right there is a fucking idiot. im gna take him in and love him" and itachi is the biggest sns shipper. he gets so fed up with them, he just wants to smash their faces together
> 
> this is also a big fuck you to konoha and the shinobi system. it didn't work in naruto and it doesnt work in boruto. sending little children soldiers is unethical and creating a fucking war tool out of an infant, then demonizing the child and not giving him his basic needs to live is fucking unethical. i hate that the hidden villages are never held accountable for what they did (ethnic cleansing, slavery, creating warriors out of children). anyways yea fuck konoha.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m leaving,” he tells Kurama. He doesn’t know when or where but he knows it will happen. Kurama looks at him for a long time as Naruto tries to figure out how he’s going to leave. 
> 
> Kurama looks for a long time, and then he smiles and laughs. Naruto looks up startled and starts to narrow his eyes, but Kurama’s eyes are happy, his eyes are _proud_. Naruto feels like crying suddenly.

“You will be attending the Ninja Academy come this fall.” Ji-ji says. Naruto doesn’t really see the point of going to ninja school, but maybe he’ll be able to finally make friends. They won’t make fun of him for being stupid like the kids at the orphanage or they won’t avoid him in the streets during the day, spit on him, throw things at him, beat him at night like the adults.

The adults, Naruto realizes, are infinitely more evil than the children at the academy. The voice inside his head that calls itself Kurama says that Naruto should just burn the whole village down; Kurama says he has power, can give Naruto power to control, to kill, to exact his revenge. Naruto says he doesn’t want ji-ji to die and this, for some reason, angers Kurama a lot.

“Can’t you see he put you in this position?” the voice says, there’s something red swirling around where he lays in the darkness behind the gates in Naruto’s mind. “Can’t you see the reason you despair, the reason everybody fucking hates you, the reason you have no one is because of your perfect, precious _ji-ji_?” 

Naruto thinks about it, thinks about the caretaker at the orphanage begging ji-ji to take him somewhere else, about how the children at the orphanage were given portions twice as big as his, thinks about getting his own apartment at the age of three, having to pay for bills and food, thinks about sleepless nights and empty stomachs. 

It’s not that Naruto can’t see where Kurama is coming from, it’s that for the most part, he’s tried to ignore it. He doesn’t hate the village and its people even though they mock and curse him at every turn. He ignores their whispers, their yells, their looks, the best he can manage. But it’s hard, because now Kurama has pointed it out to him, and he can’t ignore if it’s out there in the open like that. 

“Maybe I’ll just leave then. Nobody wants me here, I can just go somewhere where there’s food and I don’t have to pay bills!” The stupid red thing behind the gates huffs at him. “Stupid,” it says.

Naruto isn’t stupid. Naruto hates that everyone calls him stupid for not understanding something that was never even taught to him in the first place. Because Naruto- Naruto doesn’t have anyone to pay the fucking bills for him. He has to do it himself, he has to learn it himself.

So while everyone was fucking around at the playground, learning to write Kanji, Naruto was busting his ass trying to figure out how to _budget_ , at the ripe fucking age of three. While everyone would walk home with their mothers or fathers looking down at them laughing at how they would scream about their day, Naruto was busy trying to figure out how to run a washing machine and which supermarkets would allow him to come in and buy his food even if it was ten times the price.

So when the teacher asks him what’s written on the board and Naruto stares at unfamiliar characters, he is called stupid and laughed at, but he _isn’t_ , he knws he isn't. Nobody taught him how to fucking read past “rent due” and the numbers always explained themselves. 

So when he is paired with Sasuke-teme for spars, and he loses, it’s not because he stupid like the bastard likes to put the blame on, it’s because he doesn’t come from a clan. He’s no one, nothing but a _monster_ , and no one is there to teach him otherwise. 

Naruto isn’t stupid, he knows things that most people his age don’t because their not monsters. Because they all have mamas and papas and Naruto doesn’t because he is the _monster_. 

(It's hard because while Naruto is smart and he knows things, it's hard to try and remember he's human when everyone around says otherwise. Kurama desperately wishes this boy had a support system but of course he doesn't because the fucking sandaime refuses to concern himself with a six year old brat who has their entire military might sealed in his belly. Kurama wishes Naruto ran away.)

* * *

Sasuke is the only one that Naruto can somewhat stand. He likes to win, just like Naruto, and he likes to shit on Naruto for losing. Sasuke hates losing, and Naruto is scared that if he actually loses to Naruto who has an insane amount of stamina and picks things up very easily, Sasuke will start to hate Naruto, will not want to play with him, spar with him any longer.

Naruto decides that that’s okay as long as Sasuke keeps looking at him, even if it is with stuck up sneers and side glances that he doesn’t realize Naruto has noticed. 

His first week in the academy had many of the children avoiding him because their parents had told them not to touch, breathe near him, look at him. Sasuke didn’t do any of those things.

When they would do sparring lessons outside and Naruto, in his loud and boisterous fashion, would declare Sasuke his rival and challenge him to a spar. Sasuke would smirk and say, “Dobe. I’ll have you down in five seconds.”

Naruto was overjoyed because Sasuke had _looked_ at him and even _talked_ to him. Sasuke didn’t think Naruto was a monster! So without even knowing it, Sasuke became Naruto’s first friend for the short weeks that he was actually at the academy.

Naruto wonders what Sasuke’s parents are like, what his family is like. He wonders if his mom tucks him in at night and presses kisses to his forehead, or if his dad pats him on the back and teaches him jutsu. He wonders who the boy is who sometimes picks Sasuke up.

Sometimes when Naruto can’t sleep, he imagines life if he and Sasuke were best friends from birth, if he had parents who were best friends with Sasuke’s parents, and they would have playdates and sleepovers. When Naruto would sleep over at Sasuke’s house, his mom would come and tuck them in and give them forehead kisses. 

Naruto and Sasuke could practice jutsu together and become the strongest ninja in the world together, they’d rule the land. In his mind, the voice warns not to trust Uchihas. Naruto likes to ignore the voice when it says this.

Sasuke is his one and only friend, even if he doesn’t know it yet. Sasuke is so fucking cool and Naruto wants to be friends with him so badly. For now, Naruto will be happy with just rivals, will be happy with being Sasuke's punching bag. Naruto is okay with being deadlast if it means that Sasuke will look at him, even if it is for just a moment.

(Kurama sits in his cage and asks kami why the fuck his vessel had to go and fall for an _Uchiha_ of all people. “Really,” he grumbles, because he is an old ass fucking fox made of chakra, the most powerful of the bijuu, the feared and revered kyuubi no kitsune, stuck in a six year old starstruck, lovesick, boy infatuated with _those eyes_.

Kurama prays that Naruto will actually listen to him because he has years on Naruto, he knows the world like Naruto doesn’t and he knows those eyes. But of course, Naruto was born mama’s boy, stubborn and rambunctious, ready to take on the world and all its corruption, its fallacies, its ugliness; so he settles in his cage grumbling about being too old for this shit and controlling Uchiha eyes that see _everything_.

Naruto, like the stupid brat he is, ignores Kurama. 

Until the brat decides he wants answers to questions that Kurama doesn’t know if he can answer. Kurama doesn’t _care_ for the boy per se. Kurama hates all humans, but it’s hard to tell your vessel that the reason they’re hated by this stupid village, the reason their parents are dead, is because of you.)

* * *

“Do you know who my parents are?” he asks Kurama one night. He can’t sleep again, the loneliness almost unbearable. There is no voice there for a long time and Naruto wonders if Kurama will ignore him too like ji-ji, will tell him “What’s it matter? They’re gone already.”

Naruto wonders what they did, what he did to be called a monster, to be avoided, beaten, and hated by a village he was supposed to pledge to protect with his life.

“Yes,” Kurama’s deep voice startles him and Naruto is startled back into the deep recesses of his mind into the damp cave where the red stuff swirls into what looks like a fox. “Yes I knew them.”

“What were they like? What did they look like? Do I look more like mom or dad? I have a mom and dad? Kurama, Kurama c’mon answer me.” Naruto is startled, tries to stop talking because maybe Kurama won’t talk to him anymore if he starts being annoying again. But-but Kurama _answered_. He said he knew (which is more than anyone, more than ji-ji has ever said), which means-which means he will talk.

“Kurama, hey Kurama, please you have to tell me. You can’t just say, ‘oh yea sure I knew ‘em’ and leave it at that. C’mon I hafta know. Kur _ama_.” Naruto knows he’s being annoying but this is usually how he gets people to talk.

“Shut the fuck up kid, I’m thinking.” Naruto shuts the fuck up.

“They were,” Kurama lets out a huge, heavy sigh and the red swirly stuff disperse before the image of a huge fox with nine tails comes into view. “They were heroes. They died saving the village, and then they left you. Their legacy.”

‘Kyuubi,’ thinks Naruto. “You’re the Kyuubi.” Kurama looks at him like he’s stupid. Naruto isn’t stupid. “Stop looking at me like that I’m not fucking stupid. Why can I see the kyuubi? Who the fuck are you?”

“Kurama,” says Kurama, like the stupid jerk-faced fox he is. “I am Kurama, the kyuubi no kitsune as most people refer to me.” says Kurama, his stupid whiskered face turning up in a smirk. “Your parents died protecting this village from me. Killing themselves for this village, only for you to be hated.” 

Naruto hates Kurama. Kurama is his only friend and Naruto hates him, so he does the grown up thing that everyone does, sticks his tongue out and says, “I hate you. You can’t get out of there can you? You think I’ll ever let you out if you continue talking to me like that?” Kurama growls at him the red swirly stuff, swirling even more. 

The air is so thick and menacing, Naruto can barely breathe, “Joke,” he chokes out, “Oh my god, Kurama it was a _joke_.” The menacing aura stops almost abruptly and Naruto is left feeling lightheaded by everything that’s happened in the span of a few minutes. ('Stupid fucking fox,' Naruto thinks just to get a rise out of him. Kurama snaps at him.)

Something occurs to him then. “The kyuubi was defeated by the yondaime. You said my father saved the village from you, meaning he defeated you. My father defeated you.” Kurama looks at him with pitying eyes.

Naruto thinks about destroying the village, killing everyone, watching the surprise turn to betrayal in ji-ji’s eyes as Naruto rips his limbs off one by one. Naruto hates them. They accused him of killing the yondaime. And the fucking yondaime, his _father._ What kind of father seals a goddamn chakra demon inside his own son. 

Naruto hates Konoha. He can’t stand it here anymore; this corrupt, disgusting village that holds its head high and proud while young children die for it and call it honor. This absolutely vile place based upon lies over lies over lies, as it lies to its children, says “It is an honor to be called shinobi.” says “The hokage is the strongest shinobi in the village. It is because of him that we have peace.” ‘Peace,’ Naruto thinks bitterly, ‘what absolute bullshit that is.’

‘I am the one that is protecting you,’ Naruto thinks sadistically, ‘If I released the seal, if I took Kurama out of his cage, what would you all be? You mock me, jeer at me, hate me, but you don’t even realize do you? I could make you all disappear if I wanted to.’

He thinks of the adults who scream at him at night, threaten him with broken beer bottles and pocket knives. He thinks of his birthday, the worst day of the year, how their words seem to be even worse, even more vile, hit even deeper. Naruto wonders what they would do if he released Kurama. 

‘It would only prove their point,’ is the conclusion he comes to. He pulls back his bloodlust and Kurama is sorely disappointed...but not for long because what comes out of Naruto’s mouth next surprises them both.

“I’m leaving,” he tells Kurama. He doesn’t know when or where but he knows it will happen. Kurama looks at him for a long time as Naruto tries to figure out how he’s going to leave. 

Kurama looks for a long time, and then he smiles and laughs. Naruto looks up startled and starts to narrow his eyes, but Kurama’s eyes are happy, his eyes are _proud_. Naruto feels like crying suddenly.

“Alright. Alright _brat_ ,” he says voice booming, proud, _fond_. ‘Oh,’ Naruto thinks, 'oh wow.' He feels so warm. “Alright, so let’s figure out what we’re gonna do.” He grins, canines out in the open; Naruto doesn’t find him very frightening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really wish we got to see more of kurama and naruto's friendship and i wish they got to talk more in the beginning. so yea this is me indulging. it also doesn't make sense to me that naruto is like slow to understand things or get a grasp of things considering who his parents are. i feel like he's really smart especially battle tactic wise so i made him more like that. i hated it when ppl would call him stupid in the show or get exasperated or mad when he didn't understand things fully the first time it was explained to him so im making it a facade!!


	2. kidnapping a jinchuuriki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And why’d you stop walking? Kurama says he doesn’t want you to come even though I told him you’re not gonna harm us but he hates everyone so don’t worry about his opinion. Are ya comin’?” Naruto’s voice is a great distraction, it calms the mind of an an unhinged Uchiha. 
> 
> Itachi feels his shoulders relax and thinks this boy might be a god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uchiha itachi for his gameshow introduction: Hi my name's Itachi, I'm fourteen years old, my hobbies include eating dango, poking my little brother's forehead, and mass murder. but also i'm a pacifist.

Uchiha Itachi doesn’t know if what he’s done is correct. He didn’t want war, and for that his clan had to die. For the village, for the sake of the village.

Itachi doesn’t know if what he’s done is right at all; his entire moral compass being tested, a storm brewing inside him.

He wonders if he turns his back on the village now; if he kills Danzo, kills Hiruzen, Homura, and Koharu, if it will make him feel better, or if it will leave him emptier, a hollow shell of a man.

What is good and evil anyways? ‘Am I still good if my entire clan has been killed by my hands for the sake of the greater good? The sake of the village?’

Uchiha Itachi: the prodigy turned evil, who probably let his natural talent get to his head and decided to test his abilities on his clan.

That’s what people will see him as, because people are shallow, they only know how to look at the surface level of things.

That's what the villagers will they hear of what he had done.

That’s what Sasuke will think, because Itachi told him so; one day he will grow strong enough and Itachi can die happily. Itachi pretends that lying to his brother is a good thing, pretends he isn’t afraid of death. 

The Sandaime better keep his fucking promise, Itachi would die for this village probably, but Sasuke is too good and now Itachi has gone and corrupted that goodness; for the sake of the village. 

‘Why did it come to this?’ he feels like crying and screaming all of a sudden.

* * *

“Where are you going?” The mangekyou turns on without Itachi even thinking about it, red eyes glowing in the dark of night. 

“Whoa,” says a tiny boy with blonde hair that Itachi recognizes as the village's jinchuuriki. What is he doing out here so late at night? Why does he have a backpack on?

‘Deserting,’ his mind supplies through the red haze of bloodshed and Sasuke’s sharingan.

‘You are just like me.’ he thinks, because he is a nuke-nin now. Nothing can save anymore; except for Sasuke (but that won’t be for a while). He pretends he is satisfied with his decision, happy with it. He pretends what he did was the right choice.

'For the village,' he reminds himself, 'for the village.'

* * *

Itachi can’t really blame the blonde boy for deserting, with how he is treated from day to day, but the village needs him; there will be another war if he deserts. The already shaky balance of power will tip and there will be another war.

The village needs this boy.

“You should go home.” he sighs, turning his sharingan off. “Whoa,” the boy, Naruto, Itachi’s mother’s voice helpfully reminds him, and wow, her voice is so distinct in his mind; he wonders if this is her haunting him, cursing him for not being better, smarter, faster. Itachi decides it’s time to get going

“Your eyes are really cool.” the boy falls into step with him. 

“Go back home. Your existence is essential for the village.” Itachi says. 

‘Please. I need time alone.’ he thinks.

“Fuck you,” the boy spits, his voice so full of venom. Itachi stops, surprise coursing through his body. 

“Fuck you. You don’t get to ignore me, spit on me, kick me, try and kill me over and over and over again, only to tell me that I’m _needed_ in a village that so very clearly doesn’t give two shits if I live or die.”

He looks down at the boy and there is fire in his eyes that his clansman always said Itachi lacked (it doesn’t really make sense; Itachi would die for the village. Itachi would _kill_ for the village. Maybe that's the problem. He pretends that this is what all thirteen years olds must go through and decide). 

The _Will of Fire_ ; this boy is born with it coursing through his body, his blood made of it, his eyes shining with it. ‘Oh,’ Itachi thinks. ‘Wow.’ It flows through him like water, coloring his entire being reds, blues, and yellows, mixing to create a myriad of different colors; a rainbow makes his being, washing out the red rage of the kyuubi deep in his stomach, in his head.

It’s beautiful.

Itachi doesn’t like what those eyes can be manipulated into doing. Danzo could get his hands on him. Hell he’s the fucking kyuubi holder. Danzo will get his hands on him; trap this boy that is so clearly meant to be free; the wind whirls around this boy like magic, ready to take him anywhere and everywhere. Itachi won’t let him have this child. He won’t let him _corrupt_ this boy.

(For all Hiruzen says, for all he tries to justify, to validate, Danzo doesn't possess the will of fire. Far from it. His desire to keep the village safe and protected are overridden by his lust for power. He is the washed out, overused, cliché villain whose mind goes, 'power, power, power' it's disgusting. Itachi almost hates him.)

Naruto is too good for this world, too good for Danzo to be able to reach.

“How come your eyes turned red again?” Naruto asks. “It scares Kurama, though he doesn’t want to admit it but he’s cowering in his cage right now.”

“Kurama?” Itachi doesn’t sense anyone else around them. ‘Cage. He said cage.’

"Yeah, Kurama," Naruto's eyes unfocus, "he says I shouldn't talk about him with you, but don't worry I told him to fuck off for you."

"Language," Itachi says distractedly.

Naruto can talk to the kyuubi and the kyuubi’s name is Kurama. Kurama hates the sharingan because he’s been controlled by Madara over and over and caged up like a dangerous animal (which to be fair, he kind of is) over and over. But Naruto can _talk_ to him. 

Danzo will not be getting his hands on him. Peace rides on this boy’s existence staying in the village. If Itachi takes him, he will be threatening that peace. If Itachi takes him-

“Tell Kurama that my eyes won’t hurt him this time. I’m not here to control him.” Itachi says and the boy’s eyes go glassy. 

He would be a great asset for the village, a perfect tool for war; it seems he already has the kyuubi in his pocket; it would only be a couple of years before Naruto could control him fully.

Itachi is lonely and sad and heartbroken; Naruto reminds him of Sasuke, with his unapologetic brashness, childlike manners, and need for affection and validation (he is nothing like Sasuke; with his eagerness, loudness, and need for affection, blonde hair and blue eyes that speak his every emotion). 

Itachi makes a decision.

“Where are you headed?”

“Anywhere!” the boy girns, Itachi smiles back. “I’m gonna show the world the power of the Uzumaki! I’m gonna show them who Uzumaki Naruto is and I’m gonna be the greatest ninja alive and then everyone’s gonna acknowledge that I’m stronger, stronger than the stupid yondaime and ji-ji!”

Itachi feels the burning desire, an itch under his skin, to tell him who he is, who the yondaime is. How Naruto’s mother and Itachi’s mother were best friends, how when Kushina died, mother had gone and practically begged the sandaime to adopt him, how father was against it calling him a monster and mother had slapped him straight across the face and ran out of the house.

They would have never let mother have Naruto because she was Uchiha and her eyes controlled. Still, mother tried with all her might and when she failed she couldn’t bring herself to look at Naruto because it reminded her.

Naruto who looked exactly like his father, he seems to also have the intelligence of the yondaime, Itachi wonders why he was constantly called dead last in school, why he always lost every fight. But he was Kushina in personality through and through; that Itachi supposes, was what hurt the most. Naruto was the ghost of Kushina to mother. It hurt. 

They are defects, nuke-nin, they don’t follow Konoha law any longer. Itachi could, but he sees the hatred that the boy harbors for the village and thinks that maybe it will be a story for another time.

After all, he still believes the village must be protected at all costs, his home.

“I won’t let my father outshine me.” Naruto nods as if suddenly making up his mind about something. Itachi stops again, surprised once more. 

This boy is the most unpredictable thing he’s ever met. He can now see why Sasuke was a little bit enthralled with him despite his pretend indifference towards the boy.

It amazes Itachi, that this boy knows of this, has knowledge of this and did not attack Konoha; rather he chose to leave. Itachi hopes in time he can change Naruto’s views of Konoha.

Itachi laughs, forgetting for a moment all his pains and his mistakes and _what ifs_. 

This boy is amazing, he sees why mother wanted him so badly, can see why father was so against it… 

Mother and father; Itachi doesn’t really find anything funny anymore, the ache in his chest making itself known again.

(They didn’t even fight back. Itachi had pointed his sword at them, told them he was going to kill them, and they had just accepted.)

“What’s so funny?” Naruto’s loud voice startles Itachi out of his thoughts. Naruto, Itachi realises, is a great distraction. Naruto, Itachi realises, is not deadlast, he’s actually rather smart, but he probably never got the chance to show his abilities. Itachi feels anger well up in the pits of his stomach, rushing through his veins; he needs to punch something, or kill something. 

“And why’d you stop walking? Kurama says he doesn’t want you to come even though I told him you’re not gonna harm us but he hates everyone so don’t worry about his opinion. Are ya comin’?” Naruto’s voice is a great distraction, it calms the mind an unhinged Uchiha. 

Itachi feels his shoulders relax and thinks this boy might be a god. 

Itachi thinks about it, thinks about his double mission for the akatsuki, the promise from the sandaime, Uchiha Madara; Itachi is very very tired of lying to everyone including himself. 

Itachi has already killed his entire clan, avoiding civil war and Sasuke is safe in the sandaime’s arms. If the kyuubi jinchuuriki is gone, the villages might attack, or they might not.

If Itachi can gather other jinchuuriki, they might not attack. He will have to beat the akatsuki, Madara, at his own game.

Itachi laughs again, Naruto narrows his eyes. “My name is Itachi. Uchiha Itachi. It’s nice to meet you Naruto.”

“Just like Sasuke!” the boy is never quiet, Itachi’s heart aches. “Sasuke is stupid though. Who styles their hair up so that it looks like a duck's butt?” 

Itachi laughs and is surprised by how carefree it sounds, “You don’t like it? I find his hair style rather cute.”

Naruto turns to him, eyes narrowed, mouth open ready to argue and Itachi feels a little more at ease. They travel together, Naruto’s loud, laughing voice fills the air and travels with the wind.

* * *

Kurama thinks the Uchiha boy is rather peculiar. Kurama has had his fair share of run-ins with the Uchiha (all of them left him with a bitter taste of revenge in his mouth and anger to fuel millenniums) and all of them have these things in common: 

  1. Their love for war and chaos
  2. Their ability to love hard and then hate even harder
  3. Their need to control



This Uchiha boy has shown nothing of this sort. Uchiha Itachi is undeniably a pacifist. Kurama hopes Madara is watching this, he hopes he is shaking in his grave.

Kurama decides that Itachi is okay; he will let Naruto travel with the boy for now at least. Kurama stretches his hind legs out, leans his head on his paws and sleeps. 

‘Humans are fickle beings,’ he thinks, ‘so what the fuck is Uzumaki Naruto?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i personally don't think that itachi should have gotten a redemption but i liked him before he went all "to test my ability, for the sake of the village" on everyone, yk when he was a good big brother. so i made him a good big brother to naruto. also he's hot. 
> 
> he is kind of questioning his decision to become a mass murderer over night, which is not canon. but genocide is not good, very bad and i want itachi to come to understand that genocide is not good, very bad, even if it is for the sake of the village.
> 
> also for now naruto wants to be a ninja. idk if im going to change that since i cant really see him being anything else. idk he has an idea of what the shinobi world is like but he still doesnt know ab itachi so we'll see how his view of shinobi changes and what he decides to do about it.


	3. the fallen Uzushio and fallen clans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wants to raise every single person who did this from their grave so he can dig into their flesh, reach for their hearts, and watch as the light from their eyes is squeezed out by his hands. He wants to cut each of their limbs off one by one, peel their nails from their beds, watch as they scream and writhe in pain; wants to kill them and bring them back to life over and over again; wants to show them what hell really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why doesn't naruto learn hiraishin? like??? he would be so cool teleporting everywhere. he'd be a literal god.

‘It’s a good thing Uzushio is forgotten.’ Naruto reminds himself over again, a long night of Itachi and Kurama telling him about his fallen clan. ‘It’s a good thing that everyone has forgotten the tragedy of the Uzumaki.’ 

What comes out of his mouth is this: “How could they abandon us? How could they let us die just like that and not tell the next generations of our bonds?” Naruto is terribly bitter. “How could they forget us? They go to war as a puny display of power and it ends with tragedy and loss. What’s the point?”

“War,” Itachi says, “is a terrible, terrible thing. It must be avoided at all costs.” 

There is something there in his voice. Naruto turns to look at him and sees only grief. 

He thinks of the whispered words of a fallen clan with a powerful visual kekkei genkai, only two survivors, one of which was the perpetrator. He thinks of the fondness overridden by grief and guilt whenever Naruto mentions Sasuke. 

Naruto connects the dots.

* * *

“You killed the Uchiha clan,” he blurts one evening. They are staying at an inn because Itachi and he had saved up enough money from doing odd jobs at whichever villages they passed by. 

“Sorry,” he says because that was rather blunt and Naruto was trying for once in his life to be subtle. Itachi cringes and smiles forlornly.

“You're rather smart for a six year old.” Naruto shrugs and pretends those words don’t make him preen. Now is not the time. 

“Sorry,” he says again. Itachi smiles again. 

‘Such kind eyes,’ Naruto thinks, ‘how could he kill anyone?’

Itachi sighs and looks away, going back to polishing his kunai. “I did.” He says. They are silent for some time, Naruto enthralled by the way Itachi’s hands deftly sharpen, polish, and put away his weapons. Then something occurs to him.

“Sasuke too?” and he curses himself for the upteenth time for never having any finesse. Itachi looks pained, “Not Sasuke.” Naruto for reasons he can’t (refuses; Kurama, the stupid fox, snorts in his cage) to explain, feels lighter at that. Something bothers him.

“You don’t look like the type of person to just say ‘fuck it’ and kill your entire clan.” 

Itachi has kind eyes. Itachi took in Naruto, Naruto who is a monster and everyone curses. Itachi has the kindest eyes Naruto has ever seen, the softest touch Naruto has ever felt. It doesn’t make sense that good, kind Itachi would ever hurt someone just because. 

“Language,” Itachi says calmly. 

“Sorry,” comes the automatic response from Naruto.

Itachi looks at him for a while contemplating, the pain in his eyes is fresh and heavy. Naruto doesn’t know how to make it better.

He stands up and walks over to where Naruto is leaning against the wall, crouches down in front of him, pokes him in the forehead with two fingers, smiles and says, “Another time, Naruto. It’s getting late and we have an early morning tomorrow, get some sleep.”

Naruto watches Itachi make their beds and comes when he beckons him. He pushes their futons together even more and wraps his arms around Itachi when he lays down. Itachi chuckles at him. 

“Good?” Naruto smiles and snuggles more into his chest, inhaling the hotel’s body wash and Itachi’s own familiar scent.

“Yeah,” Naruto feels sleep creeping up on him, feels content and free. 

‘I won’t ever let go of Itachi.’ he thinks, ‘it doesn’t matter what happened I will always stay by his side.’

* * *

When they wake, Naruto finds a necklace that has frog shaped pearls attached to the string in one of the marketplaces and he brings it to Itachi as a gift. 

“Thank you,” he says, feeling tears well up in his eyes, “for seeing me, for sticking with me, for not making me go back.”

Itachi hugs him then, tight, Naruto clings and clings and doesn’t let go, not even when Itachi says they have to get going. 

Itachi laughs loud and carefree and Naruto thinks that his laugh is his favorite thing in the whole world, next to ramen of course. 

Itachi picks him up and carries him on to their next stop. Naruto wonders if this is what it’s like to have a big brother, to have parents, to love and be loved back.

“Can we visit?” he asks, arms full of Itachi, legs almost asleep. Itachi hums in question. “Uzushio. Can we visit my home?” Itachi hugs him tighter and nods. “Of course Naruto.” he says, voice soft and kind.

“I love you,” he mumbles into Itachi’s neck. “I’ll stay by your side no matter what.” Itachi holds him tighter and delivers a kiss to his head where it’s tucked in his neck. Naruto falls into slumber like that, with a smile on his face.

* * *

Uzushio is in ruins. Naruto feels a part of himself scream in rage. 

He wants to raise every single person who did this from their grave so he can dig into their flesh, reach for their hearts, and watch as the light from their eyes is squeezed out by his hands. He wants to cut each of their limbs off one by one, peel their nails from their beds, watch as they scream and writhe in pain; wants to kill them and bring them back to life over and over again; wants to show them what hell really is.

It’s another thing he’s lost before he ever got the chance to have. Uzushio is gone before he ever gets to experience it. The bright city, the boisterous laughter that filled the streets; it’s all gone, and Naruto-Naruto is still here.

He’s still here, yet everyone is gone. Uzushio is gone.

Just like mom and dad, gone before he could ever properly love them. 

Why does everyone leave Naruto? Why is he incapable of being loved?

Itachi looks at him with something akin to understanding. Naruto buries his face in Itachi’s stomach and screams and cries. They stand there for what seems like hours.

Itachi-Itachi loves Naruto. 

Naruto thinks Itachi loves him; at least he tolerates him, at least he lets him tag along in his travels, at least he smiles at him, at least his eyes are kind when he looks at him, at least he tucks him under the covers, holds Naruto tight when he has nightmares or when he’s lonely or when he’s scared; at least he took him to see his long lost family gone before Naruto could ever see them. 

Naruto doesn’t really know anything about love, he’s only ever been hated- but Itachi looks at him and there’s nothing hostile.

So Naruto concludes Itachi loves him. 

division

When Naruto finally gathers up the strength, he walks through the village gates past the broken down buildings (he finds scrolls on seals and takes them). 

There is a hill at the center of the village, they make way for it. When he gets to the top, he turns to look. Uzushio glistens in its ruined glory, the sea around it swaying around it, as if it has its own gravitational pull. 

They spend a couple of months there, travelling to the closest villages every week or so to buy food and necessities.

During this time Naruto spends time finding scrolls, reading and learning his clan’s secrets, jutsus. 

He learns of the rise of Uzushio, the rise of the Uzumaki; how they were a great clan with huge chakra reserves, masters of seals, feared and revered by villages and clans alike. 

He learns with Itachi how to walk on water, walk up a tree, how to make and use paper bombs, he learns how to make paper bombs that explode sleeping gas instead of fire, the eight trigram seal, and the death reapers seal. He learns of Uzumaki Mito’s Byakugou. (“Legendary Sannin Tsunade-hime has that” Itachi said.)

He learned of their alliance with Konoha, their alliance with the Senju.

He learned of women and men with long flowing red hair and chakra chains that could bind anything and everything. He wonders if he has chakra chains.

(Kurama says no because he is old and set in his ways. Naruto says don’t be a quitter. Naruto will have chakra chains)

Finally, he learns the hiraishin and raijin. 

This he decides, this is what he will keep of his father. For now he decides he will work on Kurama’s seal.

* * *

When he finally peels off the seal to Kurama he is faced with his parents, or rather the chakra of his parents.

He stands there in shock for about five seconds just taking in their images. They are beautiful, they look like soulmates, connected and together.

“Whoa,” he whispers. The yondaime's face looks back at him. There is a smile on the yondaime's face; it's directed at him. The yondaime is smiling at him, Minato is smiling, his father is smiling, his face, his eyes are so kind. Kushina-his mother is grinning wide and open. _God_ their eyes are so full of love and happiness.

“This isn’t how I expected us to meet.” His father says. His mother walks over and bangs him over the head, she’s so beautiful with her long flowing red hair. 

She embodies the Uzumaki, Naruto feels tears forming in the back of his eyelids.

“Brat,” she says, “you shouldn’t have run away. Teuchi’s getting old and lonely without you, ya know.”

“I couldn’t-” He can’t think.

He leaps up and hugs them. It feels good. It feels so good; he wishes they weren’t just leftover chakra, wishes he could wake up and do this everyday.

“I couldn’t handle it anymore,” he whispers into his mother’s neck, pulling his father closer, “I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

“Oh no,” says his father. 

“No, no sweetie you didn’t disappoint us,” says his mother.

"Of course," his dad says, "it was hard to see you go, but we understand your decision."

He pulls back and looks into their eyes. They are so kind and loving and good he feels so good and happy.

“We have to talk to you about the akatsuki and the masked man,” his father says.

“We’ve watched you all this time, we’ve been with you all this time, and we’re so _proud of you_ ,” his mother says, elbowing his father in the gut.

"You really learn so fast Naruto its amazing." His father says, in his eyes is pride, he's _proud_ of Naruto. They both are. Naruto feels-he feels-

“Sit, come on let’s sit,” his mother says. They both sit on either side of him; he can’t stop clinging.

‘Mom,’ he thinks, ‘Dad. They’re real. They’re real. I’m not a monster, I'm human.’ He wonders what the people of Konoha would say. He wonders what they would say if they found out their precious yondaime's son is the boy they abused and called monster for years.

“We should tell you about October tenth,” his mother says, she stops then she smiles at him.

She is so so beautiful.

“Did you know I was the kyuubi jinchuuriki before you? Kurama didn’t nearly like me as much as you though.” Kurama just huffs at her.

“You say dattebane,” he says. He feels-

“Yeah,” she laughs, she's so beautiful. Naruto feels like his heart is about to explode, he's calm and jumbled at the same time, he feels like-like-

“You say dattebayo,” his father says, smiling at him, “you really are like your mother.”

“Oh shut up Minato,” she slaps him, her eyes say she loves him unconditionally, would die for him.

They turn their love filled eyes to him, their eyes that say they would die, would _kill_ for him. Naruto doesn’t know what to do with them. No one has ever looked at him like that, except for maybe Itachi-nii. They look at him with unconditional love; with love so deep and so pure, Naruto has never been looked at like this, like he’s loved, like he’s _needed_. 

He wants to stay here forever, he wants to pretend they aren’t dead.

“I’m sorry,” his father whispers into his hair, “it was the only option and I didn’t know what else to do. Everything happened too quickly.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers back, “I’ve forgiven you already. Just let me hold you...and tell your story.”

His father laughs, his mother tells him not to be so bossy; they are so warm.

With that they launch into the story of the night of October tenth.

* * *

“It’s time for us to go,” his father says at last. 

‘No,’ thinks Naruto, ‘no you can’t give me the sweet taste of happiness for only a millisecond. Don’t leave me again.’

“I’m sorry,” his mother says.

‘No, no, no,’ he will be all alone again; he will be a monster again.

“You have Itachi now, I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’re strong Naruto, stay strong.” His father looks so proud of him.

His mother is crying; and Naruto feels the same tears running down his face.

They hug him one last time, they are so so warm, he wants to stay here cocooned forever.

He pretends he can, even if it is for a moment before they both fade away. He squeezes them one last time.

“I love you,” he says, “I love you so so much, please watch me.”

“Love you too,” his mother says.

“We love you so so much, no matter what,” his father says with pride. 

They fade away, leaving Naruto cold and bittersweet. He stays like that for some time, Kurama pretending to be asleep.

Finally he gets up and walks over to Kurama’s cage and opens the gates.

“Take my chakra kit,” the beast who made his entire childhood miserable says. Kurama’s chakra connects with his, and he sucks it in.

When they are done, Naruto feels empty empty empty. He walks over to Kurama who is still pretending not to care for him, not to watch him with concern, and he gives his huge nose a fat kiss.

Kurama snorts right in his face, but doesn’t move. Naruto climbs onto his back and hugs him.

It’s a weird feeling, hugging chakra, like something there, but Naruto can’t really feel it. He can see Kurama there, but when he touches him it just feels like hot air.

Kurama is really really warm so Naruto stays there for a while.

Finally Kurama says, “The Uchiha is worried for you,” and Naruto forces himself out of the deep recesses of his mind.

* * *

“Naruto?” comes Itachi’s questioning voice, “what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Naruto looks up into Itachi’s eyes, his Itachi-nii, they are so full of concern. 

Naruto is not a monster because monster’s can’t be loved and Itachi-nii loves him. He reminds himself of this over again.

“Fine,” he says hoarsely, “met my parents.”

The concern turns to understanding to confusion. Naruto laughs loud and happy and then cries.

Itachi pulls him in. 

“Have control of the idiot fox,” he says between hiccups, “met my parents’ chakra from the seal. Told me what happened.”

Itachi stays silent, just holds him. Naruto is eternally grateful, he doesn’t think he can talk about it anymore.

They will discuss it more, when Naruto doesn’t feel so fragile, like glass about to shatter to pieces, like there are holes punched through his entire body.

For now, they stay huddled together, in the fallen Uzushio, under the dying sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it should be noted that each pov/chapter, the narrator is unreliable, bc we only see things from their perspective. its like that one itachi quote ab reality and illusion and perspective or wtv.
> 
> also i watched naruto in sub and they translate dattebayo to ya know, so i write ya know, just pretend it says dattebayo. it feels weird to write dattebayo and sometimes it doesn't really fit. for when he talks to kushina i wrote dattebayo and dattebane bc their different, but other than that i will write ya know for everything probably.


	4. Sunagakure's Jinchuuriki: Sabaku no Gaara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shukaku had been yelling and screaming, “Kurama, Kurama, Kurama,” when the blonde boy had appeared. The blonde boy had said he was Kurama like Gaara was Shukaku. But the boy was no monster, not like Gaara. The boy smiled big and waved, the boy had a brother who looked at him with love not fear, the boy had sunshine hair and laughed freely and loudly; the boy was _happy_. Not like Gaara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me watching Gaara literally kill people at the chunin exams: he’s so badass. new fave character.
> 
> i'm not veryyyy happy with this chapter, but well. i hope you like it.

“Mother doesn’t like you,” is the first thing that comes out of Gaara’s mouth when he sees the brown haired green-eyed boy. 

He stops him in the street and tells him, “Mother doesn’t like you.”

Temari feels terror, wash over her body. She prays, _prays_ that the boy has some common sense and starts running _now_. The man, who has red hair and black eyes, looks confused for the ‘mother’ that Gaara had been talking about.

‘Mother’ isn’t there though. Or well she is, she is the monster in Gaara. Temari needs them to get away from Gaara, the monster is stirring inside him.

“Gaara, please,” she forces herself to say; she can’t stop the way her voice shakes.

The boy merely looks at Gaara confused, before recognition flashes through his eyes. How does he know Gaara? He knows Gaara, he is still alive, how is he still alive? 

“Shukaku,” the boy says; disappears in a puff of smoke.

Standing there in the place of the brown-haired, green-eyed boy, is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed brat. He grins wide at Gaara, Temari’s cheeks ache just looking at him.

Gaara’s eyes narrow, his hand slowly coming up. Temari closes her eyes and waits for the inevitable; she tried to stop it she really did, it’s not her fault this boy is a grade-A fucking idiot. She hopes father won't be so angry this time around. It's futile to do so; she does it anyways.

Temari waits a few seconds but she still hears nothing, no shifting of sand. Nothing. She opens her eyes tentatively.

The scene that greets her is positively shocking and frightening.

The blonde boy has his arms wrapped around Gaara in a _hug_. Does he not know? But he recognized Gaara, did he not know of the monster?

Gaara is frozen, eyes wide and shocked. “Shukaku, Shukaku,” the boy is muttering into Gaara’s neck.

Gaara shoves the boy off of him, eyes narrowing. “I don’t know who Shukaku is. My name is Sabaka no Gaara. You upset moth-” 

He stops, eyes wide, mouth open staring at the boy like he is magic. Temari wonders how he did it.

“Not mother,” the boy says, “Shukaku, the ichibi, the oldest of the tailed-beasts. I have Kurama.”

His face is still grinning. He turns to the man next to him, “Itachi-nii, Itachi-nii, we found him!” He keeps grinning, tugging at ‘Itachi-nii’s’ sleeve.

The man smiles. “Yes,” he says, voice calm.

‘Uchiha Itachi?’ Temari wonders, ‘the one who killed his clan?’ She decides it’s about high time for her and Gaara to get out of there. These are dangerous people. A boy who is not afraid of Gaara, who embraces him as if he is an old friend, and a mass murderer stand in front of them.

She doesn’t know a Kurama or Shukaku, and neither does Gaara by the look of pure shock on his face, but she knows an Itachi, and from the rumors, he’s a psycho maniac who killed his entire family on a whim. 

She doesn’t know the stupid looking blondie, but he’s traveling with the goddamn mass murderer she can only take on crazy killer at a time.

She doesn't know much about the Uchiha except that they were betrayed by their own, but she knows their eyes are powerful, their eyes can control. Temari does not want Gaara to fall into the hands of a man as despicable as him.

“Gaara,” she whispers to him. Temar tugs at his sleeve, “Come on, we’re leaving. We gotta go now.”

Gaara doesn’t budge, awe seems to be creeping into his eyes, Temari doesn’t like it. 

“No,” he says to Temari not looking at her. Temari doesn’t like it. She thinks about telling father, but father hates Gaara, says he is a psycho killing machine who needs to be put down.

She stays with her brother, if he won’t come with her, she will protect him from murderer Itachi and stupid blondie who probably helped.

“How did you do it?” whispers Gaara. Blondie is frowning at Gaara, Temari reaches for her fan. “Mother is quiet. How did you do it?”

“I _told_ you already,” blondie says exasperatedly, “ ‘s not Mother, his name is Shukaku. But there’s something wrong with your seal. Like your shits all fucked up, he can reach you and manipulate you. Does he fuck with your mind?”

Blondie is not only a loudmouth, but a potty mouth. Temari eyes them both wearily. Murderer Itachi looks completely at ease, not at all in battle stance, but he killed a shit ton of people, Temari isn’t taking chances.

Blondie seems to have a death wish though. She’s not sure who he is, but she decides he must be good for Gaara, who is looking more and more relaxed. Temari can see parts of Gaara that were there when Yashamaru was alive and taking care of him. She decides she likes dumb blondie a little bit, but if he hurts or manipulates Gaara in any way Temari will kill him.

She says wary of the other man.

"Are you Uchiha Itachi?" she asks, willing her voice not to shake. The man looks at her calmly, understanding passing through his eyes.

"Yes," he says simply. Temari grabs for her fan.

Gaara lays a hand on her arm. "I don't think now is the time," he says, eyes not straying from the blonde boy.

"Gaara," Temari says.

"Temari," Gaara turns to her now. Temari wishes he had kept his eyes on the boy, "now is not the time."

She relents.

* * *

Gaara doesn’t understand. Mother for once is completely silent, as if in shock, but he doesn’t feel shocked. He feels happy, nostalgic. Mother seems happy then, but she is not mother, he is Shukaka, the ichibi.

Gaara is the ichibi.

Shukaku had been yelling and screaming, “Kurama, Kurama, Kurama,” when the blonde boy had appeared. The blonde boy had said he was Kurama like Gaara was Shukaku. But the boy was no monster, not like Gaara. The boy smiled big and waved, the boy had a brother who looked at him with love not fear, the boy had sunshine hair and laughed freely and loudly; the boy was _happy_. Not like Gaara.

“Something’s weird with your seal.” the blonde boy is saying. He is the first one to voluntarily touch him without ill intentions since Yashumaru-

“Want me to try and fix it for you?” The boy is apparently a fuuinjutsu master. Gaara doesn’t know anything about him.

He could be trying to use Gaara, to kill him to hurt him, lure him into a false sense of security only to betray him just like Yashumaru.

Gaara keeps his guard up. He will kill the blonde boy. Sand swirls around him.

“Hey,” the blonde boy says, “my name’s Uzumaki Naruto. You don’t wanna kill me. I’m stronger than you.”

“I am a monster,” Gaara says, “you cannot defeat a monster Uzumaki Naruto.” The wind picks up around them, it scatters his sand a little, Gaara frowns.

Naruto grins, “That’s crazy,” he says, eyes laughing. 

Gaara hates that he is laughing, mocking Gaara. He doesn't believe Gaara, doesn't believe Gaara can kill him, _will_ kill him. 

Gaara will take his laugh away, will take his happiness away. Gaara will show Uzumaki Naruto pain and despair. The sand encompasses Naruto’s being, Gaara begins to squeeze his hand into a fist, finding joy in the feeling of smashing this dumb happy boy into pieces. 

“Gaara please,” his sister says, voice thick with tears. 

“Shut up,” he says, grinning.

His sand is forcefully dispersed. The boy, _Naruto_ , stands there grinning, not a scratch on him. Gaara _hates him_.

‘Mother,’ he says in his mind, ‘Shukaku, should we kill him? We should kill him.’

Shukaku is silent.

“I can defeat a monster,” Naruto stands there grinning, “cuz I’m stronger.” 

Cocky son of a bitch, Gaara will kill him, he feels a tail lengthening at his back.

Naruto merely laughs. The boy probably thinks he is god, Gaara can’t wait to rip him to pieces.

“Naruto,” the man, Itachi, says next to him. There is warning in his voice.

“You always take the fun out of things,” Naruto pouts up at Itachi.

He turns back to Gaara, “I’m a monster too. Or well, I have a chakra demon locked inside me too, but my seal is fine. I’m saying I can help you with your seal so you can sleep at night without Shukaku terrorizing you.”

Gaara stops for a minute. He wonders where Shukaku is. Naruto is a monster? He doesn’t look like one; he looks happy. Not like Gaara.

Gaara wonders how he got to be happy and a monster at the same time.

Naruto stares at him, his eyes determined, “I have the kyuubi,” he says, “Kurama, the youngest and the strongest.”

‘Ah,’ Gaara thinks, ‘only a monster can defeat a monster.’

He retracts his tail, Temari breathing relief into her lungs beside him.

He drops to his knees, “I have lost,” he says.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Naruto says, “whoa dude, I’m not fuckin’ god, no need to lick my feet or whatever, ya know.”

He’s grinning again when Gaara looks up. “ ‘Sides,” he says, “We’re practically brothers, ya know. Want help with that seal Sabaku no Gaara?”

Gaara smiles, a genuine smile. When was the last time he smiled genuinely. 

“Gaara?” Temari questions beside him, voice hesitant. Gaara does not blame; he wonders how he can apologize without sounding so pathetic, wonders how to make everything up to her and Kankuro.

He starts with this, “Please help me with my seal,” he asks. 

Naruto grins, “Sure thing! But you gotta do something for me though.”

Gaara wonders how a monster can be so energetic, so happy. He would do anything if it meant his heart could stop hurting so much.

“When I’m done, when we call for you, will you come with us? If you see people with black coats and clouds, run, make sure someone tells them you aren't in the village, you are on a mission or something. You will call and I will come and you will come with us.”

“Gaara!” Temari starts. She turns to them, “you won’t have my little brother.”

“Your little brother is a target of the akatsuki. They will come for him first because he houses the ichibi,” the tall brooding man says, “it would be safest for us to take Gaara when that time. Two tailed-beasts against them is better than one.”

“Go with the boy,” Shukaku says, “Kurama is travelling with the sharingan willingly, he would not if they were trying to harm.” 

“I have to go with you now?” Gaara doesn’t want to leave home just yet. This boy, despite saying so, is no monster; not like Gaara.

Gaara wants to not be a monster anymore. He wants to show everyone he’s not a monster, show his father he’s not a monster.

“No, not right now." His smile turns soft. "I think you want to become better. Show everyone what you really are, what you can be. You can do that. "

Gaara likes him, the blonde boy; he reminds Gaara of the sun; of Temari before he became a monster in her eyes, when she would smile and give Gaara her leftover beef at dinner; of Kankuro when he would make castles and whole countries out of sand, and Kankuro would laugh and say, "Again! Again Gaara!."

He looks over at Temari, who has been watching him the entire time, her eyes are full of worry. He lifts his hand and she flinches. He takes her hand and squeezes. She looks like she will protest so he shakes her head.

She only sighs and turns to the two men, “How long will you be staying in Suna?”

“A couple of weeks,” the dark haired man (boy? Gaara can’t really tell. He looks young but his eyes are too riddled with grief and torment to be a teenager still) says.

“Let’s go home,” she says to Gaara, “I’ll tell Kankuro what’s happening.” 

She turns back to Naruto, “And _you_ ,” she narrows her eyes, “if you fuck up or try anything,” she’s right in front of his face now, Gaara wants to pull her back and reassure her, but she’s scary when she’s like this so he says nothing, “I’ll kill you myself.”

Naruto says nothing and only nods very fast and very vigorously.

Temari glares at him for a moment longer before huffing and walking back home. Gaara looks back at the two men (boys).

Naruto is looking up at his companion, "Women are scary, Itachi-nii. I will never understand how you like them."

Itachi laughs. Gaara wants them to stay, wants to have a friend.

“You will need a place to stay.”

“Oh,” the older one (Itachi, Gaara reminds himself) starts, “no we-”

“Are ya inviting us?” Naruto interrupts, he’s twitching weirdly, “I think he’s askin’ us to go home with him.”

Itachi frowns down at him, he quiets but doesn’t stop his weird twitching.

“You will need a place to stay,” Gaara starts over, “and you need to fix my seal. If you want-”

“Yes!” Naruto interrupts. He’s jumping now, holding Gaara’s hands and swinging them around, “yes, yeah we can stay. Right Itachi-nii, right?”

Itachi frowns at Naruto, he stops jumping, he doesn’t let go of Gaara’s hands. Gaara stares at where their hands are connected.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Itachi says, “we accept graciously.”

Naruto whoops, jumping up and down. He still hasn’t let go of Gaara’s hand.

“So where do you live? Are you rich? Itachi-nii says you’re the Kazekage's son. Do ya wanna be Kazekage? Do you live in a mansion? Do you have a maid?”

Naruto asks question after question, swinging Gaara’s hand around as they navigate the streets. Gaara tries his hardest to answer them all and pretends he isn’t ecstatic about his new friendship. 

He forgets about the hateful stares, the stares of surprise, and the whispers. Naruto’s loud laugh filters everything out.

* * *

“So hey,” Naruto starts, “What’s your dad like? Is it cool having the kazekage as your dad?”

Gaara stiffens. Father was-

“No,” he says, he tries to make it sound final, tries to ignore the shake in his voice.

Naruto must hear it and thankfully chooses not to question.

“Yeah I get that,” he says looking up at the sky pensively. Gaara looks at him confused.

‘Gets it?’ He thinks. Naruto could never get it, Father _made_ Gaara a monster, and now he’s out to kill him. Father hated him.

“My dad was hokage,” he says, his voice is quiet, the wind that swirls around him almost constantly calms a bit. Gaara wonders if his father tried to kill him too, if that’s why he left Konoha.

“He sealed the kyuubi inside me and then died before he could explain to everyone that I was protecting them from Kurama.”

He’s like Gaara in the aspect, both of their parents have left them to become something they never wanted to be, their sons pay the price for their hasty actions.

“Sometimes I wished he’d been just a little selfish, put himself and his family before the village. Maybe he would be alive, maybe I wouldn’t have been accused of killing him so many times ya know.”

“Father says I killed mother,” Gaara says, “Yashamaru says she never loved me, no one ever loved me because I’m a monster.”

“They’re wrong!” Naruto all but shouts; the people in the street startle, see Gaara, and scurry away.

“I thought so too before,” he grins at Gaara, who is reminded of the sun, “then I met Itachi-nii and he loves me, so ha! I am loveable.”

He swings Gaara’s hand around squeezing it, “Plus now you have me! We’re the same, we’re friends! And if someone like me can be loved, so can you. I’ll love you forever!”

‘Friends,’ Gaara’s never had a friend, only sand. 

“Everyday,” Naruto turns and stops, looking at Gaara with seriousness, “everyday, promise me okay?”

“What am I promising?” Gaara asks, apprehensive.

“Just promise.”

“Why?”

“Just do it!” Naruto growls, frustrated. 

Laughter bubbles out of Gaara’s throat, unprompted. When was the last time he had laughed and actually meant it?

“Okay, I promise.”

Naruto grins, “ ‘kay, everyday, mornin’ and night, you gotta say this. ‘I am loved. Itachi-nii-’”

He stops, frowning, “Or wait, the scary blonde lady-”

“Temari, my older sister.”

“Okay, ‘Temari nee-san loves me, and Naruto loves me!’ You gotta say it when you wake up and when you go to sleep, so then you know and you’ll be happy.”

Gaara doesn’t think Temari loves him so much, he thinks she’s only scared of him, sticks around out of obligation.

“Okay,” he says. Naruto looks at him, frowns and puts his hands on his shoulders.

That is all the warning he gets before Naruto starts shaking Gaara back and forth, making him dizzy.

“I really mean it,” Naruto says, “do it everyday and soon enough you’ll start to believe it. And you can add more and more people to your list. Like me and Itachi-nii.”

Thankfully Itachi stops Naruto’s forceful shaking before Gaara accidentally pukes on him.

“Okay, I will, promise.” He promises and finds he means it.

Naruto grins, Itachi smiles down at both of them. “Good! See Itachi-nii I give solid advice!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is everyone's therapist in this fic. give him a pat on the head he works hard.


	5. what it means to be a shinobi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, in order to understand what a shinobi is, one must understand what a village is.”
> 
> Naruto frowns, not following, “A village is just a whole bunch of people living in the same area.”
> 
> “No,” Itachi says, “it’s a lot more than that. Think of a marble cake.” He thinks of Shisui saying “there’s levels to this shit” everytime Itachi would ask him what the fuck he was doing with his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!! WORST FOUR YEARS OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!! 
> 
> anyways it's been a very stressful couple of weeks for me and i'm sure many other people, especially with the fucked thing we call the election. 
> 
> enjoy this chapter, naruto and itachi bond more, and u see my blatant hatred for the system :).

They have been travelling for around two years when they encounter Orochimaru for the first time. Naruto immediately doesn’t like him. 

“Kurama doesn’t like this dude,” he warns Itachi, “says his chakra’s nasty.” He wrinkles his nose, “plus he looks weird.” 

Itachi allows himself a small amused smile, before turning to one of the three legendary sannin dressed in akatsuki robes. He won’t allow anyone to take Naruto from him.

“Itachi-nii,” a hand tugs at his shirt, but Itachi won’t allow himself to look away. It seems the genjutsu has worked on Orochimaru, they need to get out of here first. 

“Itachi-nii,” the voice is petulant now. 

“Naruto,” Itachi says, putting as much patience into his voice as he can, “I need you to be quiet and get onto my back now.” 

Naruto is dutifully silent, climbing onto Itachi’s back. Itachi is so proud of him. Orochimaru is still stuck in his genjutsu, but he is speaking. 

“Well, who would have thought?” The raspiness of his voice repulses Itachi and Naruto clutches him tighter. “That Uchiha Itachi, ever loyal to Konoha, not only killed his entire family, but stole the village’s jinchuuriki.” He laughs, it makes Itachi's blood run cold. 

“The akatsuki are rather cross with you, Itachi. What would they say, when I told them that Uchiha Itachi is traveling the world with the kyuubi holder?” 

A change of plans, then. Itachi will have to kill Orochimaru.

“Maybe I won’t tell them,” he continues, the air shifting into something of malice, pure bloodlust so thick Itachi can taste it on his tongue, “if you give me your body.” Itachi feels Naruto stiffen behind him and shushes him before he can say or do anything rash. “Give me your sharingan.” Orochimaru smiles, a nasty thing. 

Itachi prepares to take out one of the legendary sannin.

“Itachi-nii,” Naruto’s voice whispers in his ear, “take his arm off. Scare him enough to leave. Show dominance. We’ll be okay.” Itachi smiles then. 

Naruto is grounding; without him Itachi would be lost.

They take the arm with the ring and leave Orochimaru bleeding out. Itachi prays that he did the right thing.

* * *

Later when they have set up camp for the night, Itachi giving Naruto his share of food, he asks, “Why did you stop me from killing him?”

The boy looks up from his food, frowning at him, “You hate killing.” He says it like it’s simple, like just because Itachi doesn’t like killing he doesn’t have to kill, like they’re okay. Itachi was born and bred a shinobi, killing is in his blood. 

(Why does he hate it so much?)

“The akatsuki are after the bijuu,” Itachi explains, “Orochimaru is part of the akatsuki. He knows you are with me. That puts you at risk.”

Naruto scowls at him, probably because he is explaining things to Naruto as if he is stupid. But it seems Naruto still hasn’t grasped the extremity of the situation.

“Stupid,” he mumbles around a spoonful of food. 

Itachi smiles, “Don’t talk and eat at the same time.” Naruto pouts and Itachi laughs feeling content wash over him. 

“You were in danger too.” Naruto says looking at Itachi, eyes crystal clear and angry. 

“He wanted you, not me. Which means that his wishes, his ambitions are not with the akatsuki. If he wants the sharingan he won’t let the akatsuki have it, he was bluffing.” He gulps down another bite of food before continuing. 

Itachi thinks about how Naruto had picked all that up, without Itachi’s help. No Itachi didn’t even grasp this, he was too busy panicking in the midst of a life or death situation. Itachi thinks Naruto really is the Yondaime’s son.

“The akatsuki also want you because of prior commitment to them, which you failed to do when you met me. If he tells them about you, his wishes for the sharingan won’t be granted.” He claps his hands, Itachi should probably be surprised or amazed that a six year old can grasp this much… but Naruto was always the exception. 

“Right now, neither yours nor my existence is in danger because of him. You’re stronger than him, we win.”

Naruto climbs into Itachi’s lap then, “You hate killing unnecessarily. If you don’t have to, I won’t let you.” 

He pokes him in the forehead, Itachi lifts a hand to his forehead and grins, “Now who taught you that?”

Naruto grins, scrambling out of Itachi’s lap and runs around camp, screeching at the top of his lungs, Itachi hot on his heels. When he finally catches Naruto, the boy’s boisterous laugh fills the air. Itachi carries him back to camp, Naruto’s face stuffed in his neck and Itachi can feel his smile.

“Itachi-nii,” Naruto says, “how come you keep your hair like a girl?”

“Hair has no gender Naruto. How come I keep my hair long.”

“Sorry. How come you keep your hair long?”

“Because I like the way it looks on me.”

“You look cool with long hair.” Naruto yawns and Itachi sets him down on their mats, "Maybe I should grow mine out."

“Time for bed.” Naruto looks up at him blearily and smiles.

“ ‘Kay. Hey, you think I’ll look cool if I grow my hair out like you?”

Itachi smiles, “I think you’ll look cool no matter what you do with your hair.” Naruto giggles. “Even if I go bald.” Itachi laughs, 

“Even if you go bald.”

“I think you're the coolest,” Naruto mumbles sleepily, clinging to his pillow. Itachi presses two fingers to his forehead, whispers, “Sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

* * *

They’ve arrived in a small village in the land of lightning. Itachi decides it’s okay to spend a couple of months here before they make contact with Kumo's jinchuuriki.

“Come sit,” he says to Naruto who looks at him with a pout. 

“Itachi-nii,” he whines, “there’s a hot spring here! Can’t you wait ‘til we’ve taken a bath?”

Itachi smiles, exasperated. “Wait a while, the hot spring will still be there when we’re done. I have something to tell you.”

Naruto grumbles before coming over and plopping himself in Itachi’s lap. Itachi takes out a comb, brushing messy blonde locks down. Finally, he speaks, voice low and tragic. “It’s time I told you about my family.” Naruto still, looking up at him, eyes questioning and hesitant. Itachi tries to smile lightly, but he’s so tired, it comes out sad.

He tells Naruto everything about the Uchiha, about Sasuke and his parents, about Danzo, about the kyuubi, and sees guilt pass through Naruto’s eyes. 

“You aren’t the kyuubi Naruto.” he says then because the village has spent years tearing this boy down, making him to be a monster he is not, never was. Itachi is trying to rebuild him, show him who he really is, what he’s capable of, but the past still haunts the boy, behind his sunshine smiles and unrestrained laugh, lurks the darkness that Konoha had placed upon him as an infant. 

Naruto looks down so Itachi can’t quite see the expression on his face.

“I know,” he says solemnly, “I know but it still hurts sometimes, ya know. I know I didn’t cause it, but he’s inside of me. Kurama’s inside and he doesn’t regret it. I don’t want him to regret it ‘cause he has his reasons ya know. But I hate knowing that so many people hurt and cry because of it. Because of me." Naruto sighs, voice trembling. "Like maybe if I were dead, they could all mourn in peace, if I never existed, none of these bad things would have happened. ‘S why I left in the end.” His eyes go unfocused, probably listening to Kurama.

Itachi knows. Itachi understands the feeling of unbearable guilt, it follows him everywhere, but Naruto has never hurt a soul, he’s only ever been hurt. Naruto has never looked at the villagers with murder in his eyes. Itachi on the other hand… 

“You left Sasuke alive though,” Naruto looks up. “You left him alive because you couldn’t bear to kill him, not him. You’re a good man Itachi.” He says. “You were only thirteen, barely a boy. No one can blame you for your judgement. It doesn’t matter whether you were called a prodigy or not.” Naruto looks angry now, Itachi feels tears building up behind his eyes. 

“I don’t know if that makes me a good man.” Itachi whispers. “I don’t know if leaving him alive, with those memories, is a blessing or a curse. Sometimes I think he wishes that I had taken him out too, not left him with that pain.”

“You should have never been put into a position to do something like this. The _adults_ ,” Naruto spits adult as if it is a bad word. Itachi doesn’t blame him, “should have been more fucking responsible. _They_ should’ve taken _responsibility_ and acted like fucking adults for once in their life, instead of placing burdens on literal fucking _children_.” 

Naruto looks up, surprised and Itachi realises it’s because he’s crying. When was the last time he had cried?

Naruto wraps his short arms around Itachi’s neck. “I hate them,” he whispers, “I hate them so much for what they did to us. They don’t deserve your kindness.”

They stay like that for hours, days, Itachi isn’t sure. There is one more thing he needs to tell Naruto.

“Sasuke will come for me one day. When that time comes, I will die. You will not tell him the truth. It is imperative that he doesn’t know.” Naruto rips away from him as if burned.

He stares at him in horror. “No,” he whispers, “no, no, no, no!” His voice gradually growing higher. Itachi knew this would hurt, knew this was why he put it off for so long.

“Naruto-”

“It’s not fair!” Naruto screams, hurt and fear emitting from him in waves. The wind bangs against the shutters, seemingly picking up on his mood. “It’s not _fair_! You’re my first family, my _only_ family. You can’t die. You can't leave me behind! I won’t let you!”

“Naru-”

“And you think that’s fair for him?! You think placing the blame on yourself, making him kill you without ever knowing _why_ is fair? You’re a coward, Itachi-nii. A coward and a liar. Don’t drag other people into this!” Naruto heaves, tears spilling over his cheeks onto the floor. 

Itachi is shocked. Naruto’s words register then, eyes wide with fear, tears dripping silently down his face; Itachi hates himself.

“You can’t-you can’t,” his knees buckle and he falls to the floor, sobs wracking through his tiny body frame. Itachi scrambles toward him.

“Okay,” he whispers, pulling Naruto in, “okay, okay. Shhh it’s okay.”

“It’s not!” Naruto punches his chest, it aches for an entirely different reason.

“Okay it’s not. You’re right. It’s not.” Naruto’s breaths are coming in shorter, Itachi is panicking. “Hey, hey, look at me. Naruto look at me. You need to breathe.” Naruto’s eyes are glassy, unseeing, tears still pouring out of them. 

“God okay, Naruto, c’mon breathe for me.” He presses Naruto’s hand to his heart, pulling him closer. He forces his breath to come out calm and even. 

“Match my heart okay? Naruto I need you to do this, you need to breathe. I love you, come on.” Naruto’s breathing slows marginally. 

“I know you can do it Naruto. Come on I believe in you. I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you.” 

After what seems like forever, Naruto’s breath evens out. He looks up at Itachi, exhausted. “You have to promise,” he whispers. Itachi looks at him questioningly. “Promise you won’t leave.” 

Itachi sighs, he had planned-.

But Naruto-

“Okay,” he whispers, “Okay, I promise.” 

They fall asleep together like that. The next morning they go to the hot spring. Naruto clings to Itachi closer and longer than he ever has before. Itachi lets him and buys him a froggy wallet as an apology.

He thinks about what he really wants, for Sasuke, for Naruto, for himself. Itachi finds that he’s terrified of dying. He’s found something more to live for.

* * *

“Itachi-nii,” Naruto asks one morning, while Itachi is combing knots out of his hair from sleep, “what’s it mean to be a shinobi?”

Itachi sits on this question; he’s asked himself this his entire life, wondering who he was protecting, what he was protecting, why death was always seen as an honor for a shinobi, not for what it really was.

In some eyes, for example, Danzo and the Sandaime, he is the perfect example of a shinobi; he puts the village before anything else, including his own family because it was his duty as a shinobi to protect Konoha, even if it meant him being called murderer his entire life.

In other eyes (Sasuke, the villagers) he is a brutal murderer, he is a perfect shinobi gone mad. The prodigy boy who went crazy, probably too fed up with everything, and killed his family. He is a disgrace, a failure of a man. 

Itachi isn’t sure which perspective is the correct; maybe they are both right; maybe they are both wrong.

“A shinobi,” he begins, stops, rethinks.

“Well, in order to understand what a shinobi is, one must understand what a village is.”

Naruto frowns, not following, “A village is just a whole bunch of people living in the same area.”

“No,” Itachi says, “it’s a lot more than that. Think of a marble cake.” He thinks of Shisui saying “there’s levels to this shit” everytime Itachi would ask him what the fuck he was doing with his hair.

“What’s a marble cake?” Naruto asks. Itachi freezes; of course the boy doesn’t know what a marble cake is; he grew up alone and abused. His fucking birthday was the day people mourned the death of the yondaime.

“A cake with lots of layers.” he explains through clenched teeth; he hates the sandaime for his neglect. The fucking sandaime who orders Itachi to kill his clan with a second thought, pretend not to notice everything wrong in the village he runs. ‘Peace,’ Itachi reminds himself, ‘it was for peace.’

“The first layer of the cake, the bottom layer, is the foundation,” Itachi feels the irrational urge to laugh; some fucking foundation Konoha had. 

“Without the foundation, the village system would not work. The foundation deals with everything that the hokage cannot.” Naruto looks confused for a second, then understanding passes through his eyes, then anger.

“You mean the work the hokage can’t bother to get his hands dirty with.” He contemplates, “I see why Danzo names his anbu the foundation and root; very fitting.” He snorts; there’s no humor.

“After the foundation, are the shinobi themselves. They fund the village, through their missions, from genin to jounin.”

“Ah,” Naruto says, “yes. The classic turning children into soldiers for profit.”

Itachi sighs, but it’s not like he’s wrong so Itachi just continues, “After the shinobi, are the civilians. They also bring in money to the village but not as much as shinobi, and they profit off of missions too.”

Naruto scowls at this but remains silent.

“After the civilians is the kage. The kage leads the village and keeps the peace.” Itachi feels like laughing because it is obvious that that is a lie.

“No,” Naruto says, “the jinchuuriki keeps the peace.”

‘Well,’ Itachi thinks, ‘at least he’s aware.’

Naruto looks at Itachi, “You killed your entire clan to keep this so-called peace,” he says, “and yet you took me. You know what I am, yet you took me. Isn’t that threatening the peace?”

Naruto is only eight years old, he picks up on things fast.

“We are going to Kumo,” Itachi says, “the nibi and hachibi are there.”

“We are going to collect the tailed-beasts from the villages, the ichibi, nabi, sanbi, yonbi, gobi, rokubi, shichibi, and hachibi. We will collect them before the akatsuki ever do, and we will form an alliance with all of them.”

“Oh! Right,” Naruto says, “forgot about that. How far is kumo?”

It’s a long journey and Naruto fills it with stories of all the bijuu.

Despite being the youngest, Itachi learns Kurama is the strongest. He learns the names of the tailed-beasts, and finally he learns of the juubi, the monster that has no conscience and the power of all tails together, how the Sage of Six paths whose name was Hagoromo had sealed away the juubi and created the bijuu.

He also learns Kurama hates ninjutsu, that before ninjutsu there was ninshu, created by the sage of six paths, the _humans_ had gotten it all wrong like they usually did.

("Why do you trust me?" Itachi had asked Kurama.

Kurama's red eyes assessed Itachi, who was fighting back the urge to activate his sharingan. It was jarring, the contrast between Naruto and Kurama's chakra. 

“Dunno,” Kurama said looking away finally, “the brat seems to like you.”

Kurama smirks, Itachi feels like he was the punchline to some inside joke.

“He’s tellin’ me to give back his conscience,” Kurama says finally, and Naruto’s chakra fills the air.

Itachi wonders if they are two souls in one body, wonders what it’s like to share your head, share your thoughts so willingingly...or maybe unwillingly with someone.

“Kurama is what people like to call a tsundere,” Naruto grins mischievously, “he likes you. He just doesn’t wanna admit it ‘cuz you’re Uchiha.”

And, well, Itachi can’t really blame him for hating the Uchiha, they were rather dramatic at times.)

So Itachi learns, and wonders when ninjutsu, when being a ninja, a shinobi, became something ugly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said, naruto is everyone's therapist...and he does this shit for _free_ can u believe it? amazing, the boy is just amazing. king shit right there, give him pats on the head and pray that whoever is writing b*ruto doesn't kill him off.
> 
> also i made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3hmaAwOmBx8QhxENRwW6Dm?si=a05C9LenS9CFtNLYGC-d4A) for this fic.


	6. team seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their jounin sensei is late and has one eye covered, and reading a fucking porn book. It’s obvious he doesn’t take them seriously. Sasuke hates him. 
> 
> “Well, let’s introduce ourselves then, names, likes, dislikes, and dreams.” Their jounin sensei says, looking bored out of his mind. “You,” he points at Inuzuka, “go first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/cw: slight homophobia/internalized homophobia for like two sentences..but its still there
> 
> aot final szn is out how do we feel about jeans chin at the end there

“Uchiha Sasuke,” he doesn’t budge from his spot, staring out the window unseeingly. He prays to get a good team with strong people, but he doesn’t think he will. 

“Haruno Sakura,” the pink haired girl next to him squeals and sends the blonde girl in the corner a smug smile, before turning back to him. 

“Sasuke-kun,” her voice is so high-pitched, “we’re going to be on the same team!” She’s blushing now, Sasuke feels a heavy wave of dread fall over him. “Let’s get along well!”

“Inuzuka Kiba. You three will form team 7.” The boy with red tattoo marks on his face turns and scowls at him. 

“Damn, I got stuck with Uchiha.” Like getting stuck with Sasuke is a setback for _him_. Like _Sasuke_ is the one who’s gonna fuck up, who skips training, who comes from a puny clan that domesticates _dogs_. 

Sasuke clenches and unclenches is fist, breathing deeply. Kiba isn’t even worth his time.

He would take anyone over Kiba, even stupid fucking dead last. 

‘ _Naruto is gone_ ’, his mind is helpful to supply him with needless information, ‘just like everyone else.’

(Naruto had been gone the day after _that night_. Gone just like that, the chunin senseis seemed to breathe a little easier, the villagers seemed happier and the air less tense. Only the hokage seemed to be affected negatively, Sarutobi retreating further into his office occupying himself with his work, scarcely seen in the public eye.

Sasuke felt even more lost and broken without those blue eyes watching him. The only eyes that he ever felt comfortable with having. 

“Good riddance” a girl with hair the wrong shade of blonde and blue eyes, also the wrong shade, had scoffed whispered to a girl with pink hair and shy green eyes. The pink haired girl had looked at the girl with something close to reverence and said, “yeah.”

Sasuke’s pencil cracked in his hand where he had been holding it.)

Sasuke goes back to staring despondently out the window. 

(“Lucky,” they had said. Lucky to not have parents to boss him around anymore. Lucky to be able to do things the way he wanted to do. Lucky to be able to stay up, stay out without worrying about getting caught. Lucky, lucky lucky.

Lucky. He was _lucky_. 

Lucky to have everyone ripped away from him, his entire life ripped to pieces, by the one person he trusted the most, he loved the most, he hates the most.)

* * *

Their jounin sensei is late and has one eye covered, and reading a fucking _porn_ book and Sasuke feels like dying. It’s obvious he doesn’t take them seriously. Sasuke hates him. 

“Well, let’s introduce ourselves then, names, likes, dislikes, and dreams.” Their jounin sensei says, looking bored out of his mind. “You,” he points at Inuzuka, “go first.”

“My name is Inuzuka Kiba. I love dogs, this here is Akamaru,” he points at the furry thing sitting on the top of his head and it makes a noise that can be called a bark or a yip, Sasuke’s not sure he can’t stand dogs. 

“I hate stuck up idiots who think they’re the shit.” He aims a stink eye at Sasuke. 

‘I could give two shits about you,’ Sasuke thinks pettily. “My dream is to become hokage and make international dog day!” 

The stupid fucking furry thing on top of his head barks again.

Their sensei teacher nods and turns to the pink haired girl. “Next.”

“My name is Haruno Sakura.” says pink hair. “I like…” she looks over at Sasuke blushing, Sasuke wants to sigh. “I don’t like Ino-pig and spicy food and Kiba because he has dog breathe.”

Sasuke can’t help but agree. 

Inuzuka snorts, “You don’t like me just ‘cuz I’m honest about Sasuke.” Sasuke feels an impending headache coming. 

Pink hair continues as if Inuzuka doesn’t exist, “and my dream is…” again looking over at Sasuke, blushing. 

Sasuke doesn’t spare her a glance.

The jounin sensei looks at him, “You’re up next kid.” Sasuke scowls.

“My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I don’t have a lot of likes and I dislike many things. I don’t have a dream, but an ambition. That is to become strong. Strong enough to kill one man.” Jounin sensei looks at him calculating. Sasuke hates him even more.

“Well,” Jounin sensei says, “I can already tell that I don't like you lot all that much. Tomorrow at six, be up and ready. Don’t bother with breakfast, you won’t be able to keep it down.” As he turns, Inuzuka’s obnoxious voice cuts through the air.

“Wait!” he practically screams. “We don’t even know your name or anything about you.”

Jounin sensei looks at them and says “You can call me Kakashi-sensei.” and sun-shins away. Sasuke feels eyes on him, looking to see two pairs of green eyes staring at him hopefully. 

“Sasuke-kun,” the voice of pink hair (Sakura, his mind supplies) says. “Would you maybe want to get something to eat with me?”

She’s looking somewhere off to the side, not meeting his eyes.

Sasuke thought she was in love with Yamanaka but now she says she hates her. Sasuke doesn’t really understand women; Sasuke doesn’t really get people in general.

Sasuke gets up, ready to bolt, “I have to train.” He gets the fuck out of there before she can say anything else, but not before he hears Inuzuka scoff and say, “Buzzkill,” under his breath. 

He hopes that Kakashi can make him strong, if not, he’ll find someone else to train him. He will die by his hand if it’s the last thing he does.

* * *

Sakura finds him when he is walking home, much to his disdain. 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura pitches her voice higher, probably thinking it will make him like her more. He gets even more annoyed.

How did she even find him?

“Sasuke-kun, I was thinking-”

“I thought you were in love with Ino,” Sasuke blurts before he can really stop himself. 

Sakura looks surprised, Sasuke feels the same; he doesn’t know where his brain to mouth filter went. He turns away from her and starts walking back home.

She looks heartbroken now. 

“She’s in love with you,” Sakura’s voice is back to normal, grim and miserable. Sasuke likes her normal voice a lot better.

“Plus,” she starts, then stops, Sasuke wishes she would be more confident; she stares down at her feet twisting her fingers almost painfully.

“Girls shouldn’t like girls,” she whispers, “it’s against the rules.”

‘Stupid,’ Sasuke thinks, ‘stupid stupid stupid.’

“Come on,” he says, “I have food at home.”

She startles, looking up at him, eyes teary. Sasuke looks away and starts walking. 

When they arrive, he lets her in and tells her to sit. She won’t stop fiddling with her fingers; Sasuke wishes she would stop it makes him feel frustrated.

He wonders why he wants her to feel comfortable. He starts on dinner.

“Um,” she starts, “um, is this a date or something? I don’t- I’m not- um”

Sasuke snorts, “Eloquent.”

Her face goes scarlet and she scowls at him, “Shut up asshole. I’ve never seen you even spare a glance at anyone since maybe Naruto-”

Sasuke scowls.

She goes quiet. “Sorry-that-sorry.”

Sasuke sighs and takes out two plates. They eat in silence for a bit.

“You didn’t like him,” he finds himself saying, “you always bullied him and pushed him away.”

She looks crestfallen, “That-um-he-”

She huffs and takes a deep breath, scowling she says, “He was so annoying. He kept trying to come on to me, touch me, and he was so _loud_. Of course I pushed him away-I didn’t want to go deaf. He doesn’t have any parents to teach him anything. He’s just stupid.” 

‘She doesn’t know,’ Sasuke reminds himself, trying to quell his heart that feels like it's beating out of his chest. He wants to smash his fist to the table and break it, break her stupid fucking nose.

He scowls, injecting as much venom and coldness into his voice as he can, “You don’t know.”

She freezes, looking confused and hopeless, “Huh?”

“The pain of loneliness, you don’t know.” He refuses to speak more, else he actually go through and break her nose trying to explain to her what it’s like.

“I-” she stutters, going back to being shy and complacent, “I-you’re right- I don’t- my mom-”

Sasuke can’t take it anymore, “Take a deep breath. Just start over.”

Sakura looks down, guilty and tired and tries again, “My parents told me he was a monster I shouldn’t associate myself with. He had no parents and was unrefined, everything a man shouldn’t be. They-um-they didn’t like him and I was scared so I-I just listened-I didn’t- know-like-”

“Yeah,” Sasuke says, he understands but he doesn’t talk about his parents. 

Doesn’t talk about how mom had loved Naruto, but refused to speak to him, look at him, because it hurt. She screamed at father one time, it hurt so much and so bad, “Fugaku you weren’t there! None of us were there! If it were Sasuke or Itachi, Kushina wouldn’t do this, Minato wouldn’t do this!”

He doesn’t talk about how father had said, “Minato was the fucking Hokage, Mikoto! He had power! We are ostracized and discriminated against because of that boy, because of that thing!”

Doesn’t talk about how father had looked at Naruto with such a sheer force of hatred and had muttered, “We’re in this fucking mess because of him.”

Sasuke just says, “Yeah,” and Sakura seems to understand, and they go back to their food.

“I wanna be a medic-nin,” Sakura says right before she leaves, “and I wanna be super strong, like Tsunade-sannin, and then maybe Ino will-”

She stops. Sasuke understands her on some levels. Before everything he had wanted to get strong and be good at things the way Itachi was, and then his dad would pay attention to him.

It’s not really the same, but the concept, that maybe if they try hard enough people will finally be able to understand them, pay attention to them.

Sasuke’s mind flits back to Naruto.

“I think, if he were still here-” Sakura stops; she really needs to work on her confidence. “If he were still here, I think he’d be on our team.” She waves and walks away.

Sasuke doesn’t go to sleep and dream about him and Naruto completing missions together, fighting and sparring together.

Naruto is gone, he reminds himself.  


* * *

They take on mostly small d-rank missions that are inside village boundaries. Finding a prissy cat and returning it to the owner, pulling weeds out of someone’s lawn.

Why these people can’t do such simple tasks is beyond Sasuke. He chooses not to dwell on it, because it makes him even more frustrated and irritated than he already is. Sasuke likes to ignore all emotions that aren’t hatred towards him.

Finally, when Sasuke is at his ends wit with these stupid d-ranks, Kiba’s mouth does something good for once rather than spew nonsense and shit Sasuke doesnt’t want to hear.

“I’m sick of these stupid d-rank missions! They’re for losers! Me and Akamaru can do so much better than this!” For once him and Inuzuka agree on something.

The hokage looks at them and sighs. “D-ranks are important for the village too-”

Inuzuka interrupts, “Yea, sure, but we’re ready for more. Something bigger. Right Uchiha?”

God knows why Inuzuka calls on him. Sakura beats him, “Shut the fuck up Kiba. You can’t just interrupt the _hokage_ like that.”

Sakura has gotten infinitely easier to be around. They train together sometimes; she’s slowly becoming more and more confident. 

Everytime Ino is around she pretends to flirt with him; he doesn’t find it as annoying as before. He notices her eyes are never on him when she does it, always on the Yamanaka; they scream ‘look at me, look at me only’.

Sasuke tells her that girls liking girls and boys liking boys is not wrong. He tells himself too, tries to believe it. Sakura just says okay; she doesn’t look like she believes him.

Kiba is also more tolerable, when he isn’t yelling and barking about dogs. He gets uncharacteristically quiet when Hinata comes around. Sasuke wonders if his cheeks are red or if it's just those tattoo markings.

Kakashi butts in with his lazy drawling voice, “With all do respect Hokage-sama, I do believe these genin of mine are ready for something more.”

The sandaime stares at them for a few seconds before sighing. “Well if you say so Kakashi, I’ll trust your judgement.”

Outwardly there is no change to Sasuke’s appearance or stature. ‘Fucking finally,’ he thinks.

He’s _finally_ going to get stronger, and he’s going to find him and kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally met sasuke's broody twelve year old self. i find sasuke's and sakura's canon relationship in boruto sort of wholesome, esp. with sarada, but i can't stop seeing them as a gay man and a lesbian in love with their best friends. they're each other's beards lol.
> 
> haha srry this took so long to get out. school is stressing me out rn but im in my last week so i think i'll be able to update more soon

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! leave kudos and comments if you wish!
> 
> i finally figured out links so here is my twitter and tumblr if u wanna follow!!  
> [tumblr](https://ranpoluvr69.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/grinchyoongi)


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